Ashes
by Fiction C9
Summary: Love and dreams and warmth wil always follow you. No matter if you world seems to be nothing but ashes. Natsume POV.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters. If I did, Mikan wouldn't be nearly as dumb. Anyway, this one-shot might or might not be followed by a sequel, depending on what you think, If you think a sequel would be nice, I will continue it. Hope you like this.**

**Ashes**

This is not right.

I don't want to be here. Let me go! I want to go….!

I want to go home.

I hang my head. I don't have a home anymore.

"This is your home now."

That's what they told me.

But it's not. How can this be my home? This place is not a home, could not be and never will be a home. This place is a prison.

A prison that they call a school. A prison they say is my new home.

Forget it.

My home is gone. Disappeared on one dark dark night when flames rose towards the sky, reaching for stars so far away, and crashed back down to earth, venting their frustration on everything I ever loved and called home.

It's an ironic, painful thing.

I am fire. Fire is what protects me, what controls me, what _is _me.And yet, fire was what destroyed my world, on that one dark dark night of ashes and cold aloneness, when I stood silently on the hill that used to carry memories of daffodils and games in the sun.

Now the only memory it holds is that night when I watched my childhood burn.

* * *

"_Who did this?"_

_I look silently at the big burly policeman, his moustache quivering as he kneels in front of me, his large warm hands on my shoulders._

_There is sympathy in his kind liquid brown eyes_

_I open my mouth and close it._

_No, I can never tell him the truth. Even though I want so badly for him to make everything right again._

_I could never betray my sister. _

_Even now, I see the half-crazy, frightened look in her eyes as flames spring from her hands, burning out of control, rising higher and higher until it consumed everything. Even now, I see her collapse among the ashes, her clothes burnt, her skin scarred and red, pain in every line of her small body. Even now, I see the tears trickle down her face as she realizes what she has done. Even now, I see her, vivid in my memory, struggling to her feet and running. Even now, I feel the helplessness in my heart as I watch her run from fear and guilt and loss._

_The part of me that is an older brother makes my choice._

_A choice that I never regretted in a way, remembering the pain in eyes so like mine. But all the same, a choice that would hurt me and all those who grew to care for me._

_I force my lips to move, lowering my head so my face is hidden. _

_So nobody can see the lie in my eyes._

"_Me. I did it. I destroyed everything. It was me."_

_I don't let the tears slide down my face_Looking back now, I feel nothing.

* * *

Not sadness, not anger, not scorn, not pride.

I made my choice. I don't regret it. That's all I need to remember.

Anything else would be weakness. And weakness would be death.

"Natsume." I don't have to turn round to know who it is.

The one who I broke all my rules to gain. I had sworn once, long ago, that I would never have a friend.

My burden was one I did not wish to share.

Other people deserved to be happy, I had thought.

I should've known an oath like that could never be kept.

"Natsume, come on. Let's go back in. You might actually fall off one day, you know."

I don't answer. Instead, I continue staring into the deep dark empty sky, shining with stars that speak of everything everywhere they have seen.

"Natsume…" he sighs and sits down next to me, carefully positioning himself so he doesn't go crashing down the roof.

"Ruka." I don't know what on earth is making my mouth move. _Stop it! _I command myself. Unfortunately, as you will often find when it comes to yourself, I don't listen.

"What?"

"Thanks."

Silence. I sense his eyes turn to me, surprise reflected in their watery blueness the opposite of mine.

"For what?" he finally asks, barely able to keep the incredulity from his voice.

That part of me that even began this stupid conversation is starting to regret its decision. Too bad it's impossible to gloat at yourself.

I can still feel the intensity of his gaze. He's waiting.

I'm already on the way to the headsman anyway. So be it.

"For being the only reason I don't just kill myself."

Silence again. My life seems dogged by silence.

I can't help myself. I turn my head to look at him.

What I see somehow manages to douse the walls of fire I keep around my heart. Just for a moment. But a moment is enough.

A moment is always enough for true happiness.

For the first time in a long time, I don't feel hot or cold or just plain empty.

I feel warm.

_Love and dreams and warmth will always follow you. No matter how high or low or far you go. No matter if everything seems to have collapsed and been blown away into the wind. _

_No matter if your world seems to be nothing but ashes._

**Thanks for reading. Review if you think its good or horrible enough to be tossed into the incinerator.**


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